Hoenn Poems
by Br33zy
Summary: Parody poems based off several Brendan & May ideas.
1. Poem I

**Hoenn Poems**

**Rated**: T (PG-13) for language

**Genre**: Poetry/Humor/Parody

**Last Revision**: 1/29/09

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Pokemon and/or any related characters whatsoever.

Anyway, Breezy here - no actually this is Shimiki, the amazing talking _and_ typing banana. Sarcasm by the way if you're too dense to get it. :3

Something I've noticed amongst Brendan and May stories is that they hold the same theme (I include myself in this). Either it's an adventure 'fic with Brendan and May traveling together, some shipping 'fic that makes NO sense whatever, Brendan doing something stupid for May, and so on. And because I'm a real meany, I decided to make fun of it all! :D

In other words, this is a parody. So if you don't like seeing this shipping being made fun of, don't read anything past the line. The line starts there, see it? Yeah, that brown things below this rant. All righty. Breezy's done - I mean Shimiki, the amazing talking _and_ typing banana, is done.

* * *

_Like a river to an ocean,_

_From the shoreline to the sea,_

_I am connected to you._

_You set my spirits free._

_- - -_

_Your dark-blue eyes they sparkle_

_when you smile, when you laugh._

_But when your eyes direct at me,_

_All I can say is, "Crap!"_

_- - -_

_I love the way your hair blows back_

_when your stand against the wind._

_Your smile is a mile wide_

_which always makes me grin._

_- - -_

_But I hate the way you treat me,_

_Like I'm a piece of shit._

_You throw punches at me,_

_you give your tantrum fits._

_- - -_

_I don't know why I love you_

_when you don't love me back._

_You call me hateful nicknames,_

_And think I'm high on crack._

_- - -_

_So I try my best to please you_

_by giving you things and stuff._

_But, in thanks, you slap me hard,_

_But you know I haven't had enough._

_- - -_

_Remember when I told you_

_that I want to be more than friends?_

_Damn, your eyes got big and scary,_

_And your forehead turned all red._

_- - -_

_So in return you kicked me,_

_Right square on the shin,_

_Wow that really frickin' hurt!_

_That has got to be a sin._

_- - -_

_But yet I'm still in love with you_

_though you like to spit in my face._

_You call me a crazy, white-haired freak_

_and also a disgrace._

_- - -_

_Do you still have that flower_

_that I gave you that special day?_

_When you told me to get a life_

_and to get away?_

_- - -_

_I remember when you told_

_the police that you had a stalker._

_Wow, I almost peed in my pants!_

_That was really quite a shocker._

_- - -_

_This one I remember very well_

_when you told Blaziken to attack._

_Damn, she got me really good,_

_I almost broke my back!_

_- - -_

_Latios, I just recalled_

_when you pushed me in the mud._

_But I think of it as a sign,_

_A special sign of love._

_- - -_

_Perhaps I am just jealous,_

_For one day you'll be gone._

_Let it be a decade from now,_

_Or tomorrow's dawn._

_- - -_

_So when other boys are around you,_

_I tackle them on the grass,_

_I punch the daylights out of 'em,_

_I kick their bony ass._

_- - -_

_But you don't even thank me,_

_For all the things I've done._

_You DO kick me in the balls_

_and all I say is, "Fun ..."_

_- - -_

_So now I feel a hatred_

_buried deep inside my chest._

_Oh wait. That's just probably just some gas,_

_Never mind. I lied. I confess._

_- - -_

_You say you don't love me,_

_And you try to push me away._

_But I think you really like it,_

_That's why I always stay._

_- - -_

_I think she really likes me,_

_I really hope she does._

_"Why?" you curious reader ask.  
_

_Well, you see, because ...  
_

_- - -_

_People call me obsessive,_

_But I tell 'em to piss off._

_I'm gonna bow down to my shrine,_

_So go away; sod off!_

* * *

So, bad or good? I usually don't write poems. Sorry if you got offended by some things. (smiles innocently)

LaTeR dAyZ!


	2. Poem II

I'm not just in a mood for poetry but like humorous, happy poetry. I've been in such a good mood for like, ever, and might as well use it to write and try to get rid of the worse case of writer's block I've ever had. Notice in my profile that every story is under writer's block? All right, back to parodize (if that's a word) something in poetry form! But what to parodize, Breezy, what? Why the heck is Breezy talking in third person all of a sudden?

So read on if you want to; I'm not stopping you. But if you get offended or disgusted with me about what I wrote, it's your fault, not mine. I'm not stopping you from reading on, but I'm not urging you to read it either. So ... Yeah.

Enjoy!

* * *

_There are plenty of 'em out there_

_but not enough of me._

_Why the hell do you write about_ THEM

_when I'm right here you see?_

_- - -_

_Other call them cute together,_

_Others think they're cool._

_But look, you see, I have green hair!_

_I think I'm tight; I rule!_

_- - -_

_Brendan Birch, what the hell?_

_He think he is all that!_

_But I know what he's really like._

_I want to whack him with a bat!_

_- - -_

_May, the girl with dark-blue eyes,_

_She's really quite a bore._

_She only talks about the mall,_

_She really is a snore._

_- - -_

_I don't get why you write_

_about the most boring trainers here._

_It's like your brain is on one function._

_You need to change your career._

_- - -_

_"_Oh look at me, I'm Brendan, whee!_"_

_That boy freaks me out._

_People find him interesting,_

_But I find him weird no doubt._

_- - -_

_Oh dang that May, she has no brain_

_with her clueless smile abroad._

_Others think I like her_

_but I respond, "_Oh, god!_"_

_- - -_

_I sometimes read your stories_

_that feature Brendan and May._

_Some of them are good, but the others  
_

_are barely okay._

_- - -_

_Now if you don't believe me,_

_Look at those stories and see._

_How many are alike,_

_And I hope you do agree._

_- - -_

_Sometimes they change Brendan's name,_

_Others add themselves in,_

_Oh, that one there is funny_

_because they put me in a trash can bin._

_- - -_

_I really hate this bashing crap,_

_What the hell did I do to you?_

_Don't give me your fuckin' glare, all right?!_

_Oh, go and eat your shoe.  
_

_- - -_

_Well, yeah, whatever! Screw you too!_

_I hope you go to hell!_

_I hope you get sucked in by a hole in the sky!_

_If you don't like it, oh well!_

_- - -_

_I hope_ YOUR _brain get bashed in too,_

_I hope the sky falls on your head!_

_I hope you packed your bags tonight_

_for I hope you wind up_ DEAD_!_

_- - -_

_Haha, you believed me!_

_You're so easy to convince._

_Please, oh please, don't hurt me!_

_I haven't had a beating since._

_- - -_

_Anyway, back to Brendan and May,_

_What's with this romantic stuff?_

_I don't know about you,_

_But I already had enough._

_- - -_

_Maybe I'm just jealous,_

_Hell, maybe I'm just weird._

_Or maybe I do like May ...  
_

_Oh shit it's what I've feared!_

_- - -_

_Whatever, I don't give a damn!_

_It's not like I will get her._

_There's no doubt that Brendan will_

_or at least I hope he better!_

_- - -_

_Anyway, back to me,_

_I am strong and I am smart._

_I train my Pokemon so ever well_

_and I am kind at heart._

_- - -_

_So now you think I'm arrogant,_

_but I don't really care._

_Look, it's green, can you see?_

_What color is_ YOUR _hair?_

_- - -_

_Now as my poem comes to an end,_

_And you become all jolly,_

_Perhaps you'll take this into account_

_and write a story about Wally!_

* * *

Done! Next poem will be ... something.

LaTeR dAyZ!


	3. Poem III

This one is about the _many _adventures of Brendan and May. So read, laugh, enjoy, whatever. And yes, I do know I am making fun of myself by writing this but I don't care. :3

* * *

_Hey, my name is May, _

_And I am new to town._

_I'm kinda lost at the moment, so  
_

_care to show me around?_

_- - -_

_I really hate my life right now,_

_It really is a bother._

_All because HE became a gym leader._

_My old man, my father._

_- - -_

_I do not care for Pokemon,_

_They sometimes reek of stench._

_They also make annoying cries,_

_It makes my teeth want to clench._

_- - -_

_So I walk around with nothing to do,_

_When I see a house next door._

_Maybe they have a cute boy,  
_

_Shut up. I am no whore._

_- - -_

_So I enter this quiet, little house,_

_And walk up those long, steep stairs_

_I see a kid studying out of a book,_

_His butt planted in a chair._

_- - -_

_My heart, it gave a loud thump-thump_

_as the boy turned around to me._

_He smiled, stood up and shook my hand,_

_I suddenly got weak in the knees._

_- - -_

_He said his name was Brendan Birch,_

_And he was the professor's kid._

_I shook his hand and said back,_

"I'm May," _with a small grin._

_- - -_

_He offered me a Pokemon,_

_But then he looked at the time._

"Damn," _he said._ "I've gotta go."

_And then he left me behind._

_- - -_

_Damn, that boy is really cute!_

_His hair is snowy-white!_

_His dark-red eyes they sparkle_

_when he walks into the light._

_- - -_

_Wow, I just keep going on_

_about this guy I just met._

_Maybe if I get a Pokemon,_

_He'll teach me things I bet!_

_- - -_

_So I walk into the laboratory,_

_But nobody is there._

_Except some puny researcher_

_with really messed up hair._

_- - -_

"Excuse me, sir, but do you know

where the professor is?"

"The professors' doing field work, miss,"

_said the Pokemon researcher wiz._

_- - -_

"Thank you,"_ I said as I left the lab._

_My heart, it gave a flutter._

_For Brendan just walked down the road,_

_I felt my legs melt like butter._

_- - -_

"I really need a Pokemon!"

_I said to myself out loud,_

"So I can be with Brendan,

And make my daddy proud!"

_---_

_So as I walked into the grass,_

_A blue-haired kid told me,_

"The professor is in trouble!"

_So I went down in a hurry._

_- - -_

_What I saw was funny._

_Some dog was chasing a man._

"Help!" _he shouted as he climbed a tree._

_I guess I should give him a hand._

_- - -_

"There are Pokeballs inside my backpack!"

_the professor shouted in a scurry,_

"Pick one up and throw it at this dog!

Sorry to rush you but HURRY!"

_- - -_

_A small giggle escaped my lips_

_as I reached in the bag for a ball._

_I threw it into the air and shouted,_

"Go, Pokeball!"

_- - -_

_Bright, white light exploded,_

_And a cute red chick came out._

_She chirped ever so adorably_

_as she began to run about._

_- - -_

_Clueless about what attacks she had,_

_I cried out a random move,_

"Hurry and use a Scratch attack!"

_The chick Pokemon approved._

_- - -_

_She ran at the black puppy dog,_

_And scratched with all her might._

_The dog, he howled and then backed down,_

_And ran away from sight._

_- - -_

"Thank you,"

_the professor said._

"Let's go to my lab

and talk there instead."

_- - -_

_In a few moments, about a few yards of walking,_

_We were back at the Professor's Lab._

_The professor gave me the Pokemon I used._

_In return, I smiled, glad._

_- - -_

_He said her name was Torchic_

_and that she's a fire type._

_He said her Ember is quite strong,_

_Her claws they hurt with one swipe._

_- - -_

_He said to test my skills_

_against his kid today._

_I remember that his kid was Brendan ...  
_

_I suddenly became afraid._

_- - -_

_So I walked right past Oldale Town_

_and into the grassy land._

_Soon enough, I see that Brendan,_

_A small notebook in hand._

_- - -_

"Hey, I got a Pokemon!"

_I said in quite a prattle._

_He only smirked back in return and said,_

"Then let's have a Pokemon battle!"

_- - -_

"Go, Mudkip!" _he bellowed._

"Go, Torchic!" _I shout._

_In two blazes of white light,_

_Two Pokemon came out._

_- - -_

_In the end I lost,_

_But I was happy I was here._

_Brendan Birch was right next to me,_

_I started to feel weird._

_- - -_

_We were healing our Pokemon_

_when Brendan began to confess,_

"I think I fell in love with you.

You're so pretty, full of zest."

_- - -_

_Oh, my god! I cannot believe_

_what just happened today!_

_Latios, I must be dreaming.  
_

_Am I really May?_

_- - -_

_Anyway, back to the story,_

_We walked into the lab._

_Soon enough, we saw a man,_

_Of course, it's Brendan's dad!_

_- - -_

_The Professor had a smile on,_

_His eyes sparkled in the sun._

_He said,_ "You two should travel together

and be Hoenn's number one!"

_- - -_

_Of course, Brendan and I both agreed._

_We got ready with our supplies._

_We left the town of Littleroot_

_after saying our goodbyes._

_- - -_

_"_Hey, May,"_ the white-haired trainer said_

_as we were walking along,_

"Promise you'll be with me

as the days grow long."

_- - -_

"Of course I will,"

_I said in reply,_

_"As your girlfriend,_

I'll stay by your side."

_- - -_

"Girlfriend?!"

_Brendan tripped over his feet._

"You really mean that?

That's wicked sweet!"

_- - -_

_So the two of kissed,_

_I was walking on air._

_Sure, I fell in the mud,_

_But I didn't care._

_- - -_

_So Brendan and I travel,_

_Day after day._

_Wait, hang on ...  
_

_Shit, this is cliche!_


	4. Poem IV

This one is based on those love stories where the guy always kills himself because he's:

A) Depressed

B) Wants to save the girl and kills himself in the process

C) Delusional

So I used Brendan as my ... example ... thing. Lol. Enjoy!

* * *

_He ran a hand down the cold steel knife,_

_Ready to strike when the time was right._

_The knife, it fell in such a clatter,_

_He fell over and wondered what was the matter._

_- - -_

_A quiet voice hissed from the back of his head,_

"Guess what, kid, you now are dead."

"Then why do you speak?" _the kid did ponder._

The voice ignored and asked, "Why did you squander?"

_- - -_

"You threw your life away like an old shoe.

You still had many things to do.

But now that is that for now you have died,

Because you committed suicide."

_- - -_  
_  
_"But it cannot be!"_ the boy debated,_

"I live to be master; I've always waited."

_The voice hissed back,_ "You took a knife,

And stabbed through your heart, ending your life."

_- - -_

"NO YOU LIE!"_ the boy did scream._

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU EVIL FIEND!"

"But I will be here,"_ the voice did reply._

"Forever and ever, I will never die!"

_- - -_

_With a cackle of laughter, the voice disappeared,_

_Leaving the boy with his sadness and tears._

"Why am I punished?" _the boy did yell,_

"I died for my love, and now I'm in hell?"

_- - -_

_Back to reality, two boys on the floor,_

_one the poet, the other, editor._

_Brendan, the poet, let Wally read his work_

_before he gave it to May with a triumphant smirk._

_- - -_

_Wally, though, laughed and rolled on the ground,_

_Brendan just frowned and sulked without sound._

_Frustrated, the white-haired kid dared to ask,_

"Why do you laugh, you loser jackass?"

_- - -_

"It's just so funny!" _the green one replied,_

_"'I died for my love!'_ Oh Latios, what a lie!

You die for May? Oh, god, what a laugh!

It's funny stuff to me on my behalf!"

_- - -_  
_  
_"The boy is me!" _Brendan argued back._

"It shows that I love May, you stupid-ass prat!"

"But to Wally, it's funny,"_ the other dared to reply,_

_"'All because you committed suicide!'"_

_- - -_

_The green-one chuckled, tears in his eyes,_

_The white-haired sighed, beginning to hate his ally._

"Will you stop laughing?" _he started to bellow,_

"I'm losing my cool, my calm, my mellow!"

_- - -_

"Aw, no shit! Did I do all that?"

_Wally asked, laying on his back flat._

"Oh, just ignore me. I don't know your 'art,'

And I don't want you to_ 'stab yourself in the heart!'"_

_- - -_

"I especially love this old shoe shit."

_Wally held in his laughter by biting his lip._

"It's quite funny really how you compare

the death of a life to an old shoe scare."

_- - -_

"You just don't get it! Not at all!"

_Brendan shouted in quite a brawl._

"You're not in love, so you don't understand

what it's like to be me firsthand."

_- - -_

"That's just BS.

I think your head is messed.

Dude, you need to get a life

and stop pretending May's your wife."

_- - -_

"Latios, just leave,

And let me grieve!

I don't need you!

So go; I'm through!"

_- - -_

"But I'm afraid if I go,

you'll go down below.

To that place with the flames

because of your damn games."

_- - -_

"Because that makes SO much sense.

God, you're so friggin' dense!

I won't kill myself,

You short, green-haired elf."

_- - -_

"Aw, damn you will not?!

Well that just sucks cock!"

"Yeah, you now need to leave,

Before I get peeved."

_- - -_

"All right. I'm going,

But I'll leave knowing,

That your poem sucks ass,

And it don't surpass."

_- - -_

_Wally left, leaving Brendan alone,_

_to read over his work or to moan and groan._

_Brendan sighed and took his paper,_

_But then he realized his poem WAS a caper._

_- - -_

"I wrote this?" _he managed to exclaim._

"Maybe I will give this to May but write Wally's name!"

_Brendan, he sighed and laid his head on the floor_

_to rest a bit and to think some more._

_- - -_  
_  
_"Ppfht, suicide, like that'll make May any happy.

Maybe I'll write something that sounds really sappy!

Nah, that's lame too. I quit this poem shit!

Maybe I'll write about our journeys ... Yeah, that's it!"

_- - -_  
_  
So the boy began to write about his journey with May_

_with all his witty remarks and those fun things to say._

_Some people love 'em, to some they annoy_

_But all I gotta say is._ "Oh fuckin' joy."


	5. Poem V

Breezy didn't really know what else she could parodize on, but oh sh-naps, she found something lol. Breezy has noticed that the number of journey stories with other characters joining them has gone up. Breezy also isn't sure why she's talking in third person.

* * *

_Brendan and May,_

_On their journey today,_

_When someone comes up and asks,_

"Do you think I can travel with you

and help you with your tasks?"

_- - -_

_Brendan and May_

_nodded okay,_

_Qhen another came up in their sight,_

"Do you think I can travel with you

through the entire day and night?"

_- - -_

_Brendan and May_

_said, "All right, hey,"_

_But yet another came up to inquire,_

"Do you think I can come with you,

It's what I really desire."

_- - -_

_Brendan and May,_

_They frowned but said, "Yay!"_

_as the fourth one joined their group._

_Another one came up and asked,_

"Can I join your coop?"

_- - -_

_Brendan and May,_

_Weren't getting their way_

_as the fifth kid joined their team._

_By the looks of things, they were getting mad_

_and wanted very badly to scream._

_- - -_

_Brendan and May,_

_Saw another trainer come stray,_

_And they knew that the kid would question,_

"Can I travel with you guys,

for my Pokemon session?"

_- - -_

_Brendan and May,_

_They yelled, "GO AWAY!"_

_Scaring the kid to death._

_Pushing the kid in a crater, B Boy stated,_

"We were the ones that saw his last breath."

_- - -_

_Brendan and May,_

_Were the only ones left_

_when they pushed some kids off a bridge._

_The rest were stuffed into cabinets,_

_The others were locked in a fridge._

_- - -_

_So today, boys and girls,_

_A lesson is learned,_

_Not to piss those two off._

_No matter how much you want to travel with them,_

_You'll prolly end up with your head bitten off._


	6. Poem VI

I don't even know what this one is about. I think I'm making fun of Brendan and May dating. Or something.

I just realized how crazy I was when I was thirteen. o.O

Enjoy.

* * *

_There are those things_

_that make you think,_

_That make you confused,_

_And make you blink,_

_Like the tale_

_of Brendan and May,_

_So sit back._

_And read what I say._

_- - -  
_

_It was a tale_

_of friendship and love,_

_Blessed by the moon_

_and watched by angels above,_

_When the white-haired asked_

_if May wanted to go out,_

_For she was one_

_he can't life without._

_- - -  
_

_The girl nodded yes_

_and screamed with delight,_

_Making the Linoones run away,_

_And the Taillows fly in fright._

_So the two they were off_

_on no doubt their first date,_

_To go the fair_

_until it was late._

_- - -_

_Things became ugly_

_when Brendan tripped on a rock,_

_He fell with a bang_

_and got hurt in the co-_

_Clocks were a'ringing_

_when Brendan rolled on his back._

_May only smiled_

_and had a giggle attack._

_- - -_

_The boy was annoyed_

_as he picked himself up,_

_Wondering why_

_everything was messed up._

_The girl only laughed_

_and took a hold of his hand,_

_Remarking to him_

_that this is what Latios has planned._

_- - -_

_The boy only stared_

_and blinked twice at her,_

_Also wondering why_

_he picked this girl._

_May sat down_

_when something plopped on her lap,_

_It turned out that it was_

_bird crap._

_- - -_

_She screamed in horror_

_and jumped up in alarm,_

_Forgetting her date_

_and her girlish charm._

_It was Brendan's turn to laugh_

_as he rolled on the floor,_

_Beating his fist at the ground_

_and pleading for more._

_- - -_

_There are more horrible things_

_that I mustn't tell,_

_For if I did,_

_Brendan would send me to hell._

_So now I shall end it,_

_I bid you adieu!_

_Hope ya had a good time, and please_

_come back soon!_


End file.
